Updated: May 5
Shifting the language and words we use, will put us in control of our life and send out a powerful message to others. Check below which ones are those words.
It might sound very easy, but trust me, once you start practising them, you will understand what I mean by that and how you can start a shift, right now. Only thing you need is a willingness to do this change and become self-aware what words you use on daily basis. Observe and change words for more empowering. And people around you will thank you for being truthful, trustful and authentic.
Replace "I'm sorry that..." with "Thank you for..."
“So with my best intention to listen and be maybe empathetic, I was just about to deny all what that person said. And to be honest, it didn't feel right using "but" constantly.”
Today I want to talk about empowering way of communication when once used, you become a trusted, empowered human being and you will feel good every time you change your language. I am sure many of you say "I am sorry" several times during a day - me TOO!!! My usual was "I am so sorry I am late" (because I indeed was many times late and sometimes I did feel sorry)...
"I am sorry that I din't call you back", "I'm sorry that I forgot about our meeting" etc.. What I want to encourage you is to think about it it differently:
What if instead of "I am sorry I am late" you say "I thank you for waiting for me". "I am grateful for your time." You see how powerful it is; you acknowledge someone else's time and you express #gratitude at the same time. Your soul will thank you for this gesture. So replace I am sorry with
"Thank you that you waited for me",
"Thank you that you stayed"
Expressing gratitude you also show that it wasn't only about you but about that other person who waited for you too. So instead of talking about you, you send thank-you-note to the person and empower yourself to take responsibility for being late (or any other situation you are in).
Remove "But" word from your vocabulary and use "And" instead
This one might be hard for you at first. I get it. It was for me. Me as a "professional" stubborn person liked to use it all the time. My favourite was: "Yes I know that, but..." and I was already negating everything what was said to me. First of all, it meant I didn't listen to a person because I was already looking for an answer and secondly, it showed that I didn't trust that person. I didn't honour what other people were saying to me - without thinking whether they might be right or not. So with my best intention to listen and be maybe empathetic, I was just about to deny all what that person said. And to be honest, it didn't feel right using "but" constantly.
So once I learned how to honour other people opinions, I started using it immediately. What a game changer!!! Not only I came across as a #thoughtful listener, but also it gave me a sense of #empowerment that I am in control of my emotions and I also understand emotion of a person I face in that moment and I acknowledge that there is another perspective to a problem. So if you want to become a thoughtful, trustful communicator and to improve your communication with your friends, parents or a partner, I would offer you this change:
Instead of saying and using "but" too often, change it with word "and" , or "however":
Old language patterns: "Yes, I know that, but I think that it could be done differently"
New language pattern: "Yes, I know that and I want to add that it could be done this way too."
Old language pattern: "Oh right, you are right, but..."
New language pattern: " Oh right you are right and I do think it can be viewed like this too..."
How do you feel about it? Can you see the difference? How does it sound when you say it out loud?
My last bit: of course you will find situations when you need to use BUT and that is ok too. Use it where you feel you can make a difference and you know there is the other way of using it. Again, #selfawareness is the key. Be #mindful with the language. It is a powerful tool.
Can you "try" to do this?
“Even when you say to yourself "I will try", your unconscious mind doesn't get a clear instruction.”
Ok, I will try to explain it to you. :-)... Can you hear it? - Yes, I want to talk about word "Try".
"I will try to come."
"Ok, I will try to finish it today." "Yes, I will try to make it to a meeting."
To me "Try" sounds like obvious, even though unspoken NO in the end of the sentence. How can you try to do something; either you do it or not!! Either you commit to do it or not!
How empowering would it be to you and to others if you said "Yes, I will do it.". "Yes, I can do it." Even when you say to yourself "I will try", your unconscious mind doesn't get a clear instruction. It will get confused, wondering what it means "I try"- should I do it or should not??
So it can happen that it will remain in your head and it will bother your subconsciousness and subsequently you as well, because you are supposed to do something but there is no precise instruction whether it is important to do or not.
Once you declare "I will do it" - or at least you admit that you won't or can't do it - it will become an empowering tool for you and the people around you. You will build your #confidence, set a clear message in communication and ultimately you will set clear #boundaries within what you will do and what you don't, what you want to do and what not, what you can do and what not... So let's do it!
That is it...
How simple is that??? I know, right? There is such a magic in the words we use not only in communication with others but also in a communication with ourselves. The small change today will lead you to a big breakthrough tomorrow.
Be mindful and let your words speak the love and compassion.
I am on your side.